healthy you [
W E L L -B E IN G
4
e t o u n d e r s t a n d t h a t t h e
n t i d o t e f o r a b a d d a y
m a y v e r y w e l l b e a g o o d d e e d .
LO O K IN G FOR FA ITH
Michele Rodriguez learned a lot
about giving without strings when
she founded Blossom International
in 2005 as a way to involve her
children in philanthropic endeavors.
The organization fills new duffel
bags with clothing, books, and art
supplies for kids headed to foster
care so they’ll have something to
call their own.
“We never see the kids who
receive the care packs,” she says.
“You hope it makes a difference.
You’re doing it on blind faith.”
That’s hard for me, as I’ve long
struggled with the idea of blind
faith. But I tried to understand it
nonetheless. I decided to spread
sunshine by sending secret notes to
neighbors. “Thank you for making
our community such a wonderful
place to live and raise children,” I
wrote. “I hope you have a great day!”
My 10-year-old son and I stuck
one in everyone’s mailbox under the
cloak of darkness. We had a great
time. It was almost like being a fair-
weather Santa Claus. The next day
I thought I’d see a lot of cheerful
waving, smiles, and impromptu
invitations to backyard barbecues.
It didn’t happen.
But just because I didn’t observe
any outward signs of change doesn’t
mean change didn’t occur. I had
to trust that I had made a small
difference. I had to believe in
something I couldn’t see, that faith
thing again. And, you know, for a
moment I got it.
Plus, my son got to experience the
delight of being kind for no reason,
and that in itself made the mailbox
caper worthwhile. Stephen Post,
author of
Why Good Things Happen
to Good People
says the younger
someone embraces the concept of
giving the healthier their life will be.
“If you start off young and you
stumble on the joy of happiness
through giving and lovingyour
neighbor, it gives you a protection
over the course of your life,” says
Post, director of The Institute for
Research on Unlimited Love, which
studies topics such as altruism and
love, at Case Western Reserve
University in Ohio.
S T A N D IN G TA LL
As I thought about my experiences, I
realized something interesting: I had
stopped obsessing about the millions
of things I had to do, and had instead
begun thinking about what I could
do for someone else. For the first
time in too long, I had gotten out of
my own head and had less time to
mull my own troubles endlessly. I
came to understand that the best
antidote for a bad day may very well
be a good deed.
Harvard psychologist Ellen
Langer neatly summed up my
experience by saying, “When you
give without any strings, you stand
taller and are more willing to engage
the world.” I don’t know if, like faith,
it’s something you could measure,
but I really did feel a little taller.
■ Dwell on decency
Start each
day by visualizing yourself doing a
good deed.
■ Use your strengths
Think
about what you enjoy doing and use
those gifts to help others. If you like
to cook, volunteer at a soup kitchen.
If you’re a whiz in math, tutor a
struggling student.
■ Lean outward
Direct kindness
at those who need it most, not just
those you feel com fortable around.
■ Know thy limits
Everyone
has physical and emotional
boundaries. If the act o f giving
becom es too self-sacrificing it
becom es harmful to you. If you feel
even a whiff of resentment about
TER
HOMES
AND
GARDENS
the money you’re committing or all
the extra work you’re taking on, it’s
time to back off.
■ Remember that charity
is hard to accept
it isn’t easy
being in need. If you can’t be
anonymous, downplay your good
deed as much as possible in order to
help that person accept gracefully.
